A New Chapter by Kristine Newell

A New Chapter by Kristine Newell

My decision to leave a steady corporate career and venture into the life of an entrepreneur. 

I made a BIG decision. Life changing. Scary. After ten years in a 9-5 corporate role, I knew that I wanted more. So I traded in the weekly paycheck, job security, a prestigious title, and all the inner workings (and perks) of the corporate life.

But it was not an easy decision. Not long ago, someone told me that work can be an addiction. Like shopping or drinking. Something we do to numb ourselves, to zone out, to become distracted from other things. This made sense to me. It still does. My identity was so tied up into my corporate role, the thought of leaving was tinged with fear.

I had thoughts like: Who will my friends be? Who will I talk to every day? What am I without a title? Am I enough?

Enter from stage right my good friend, creativity. She is met on center stage by her friends, imagination and passion. These three ladies: creativity, imagination and passion became a dancing chorus line I could not get away from. And as I decided if I would leave my job, they followed me everywhere in their loud costumes, (with feathers), music blaring as they kicked and twirled and called to me like Greek sirens. Creativity, Imagination, Passion-- they were trouble. 

But then, I could see another world start to open. So, I wrote a book and published it. I started making author friends. I started having recurring dreams of me - at a book signing.  And the chorus line (the ladies), got more and more bold. Doing the can-can on top of conference room tables or cartwheeling down the aisle at a work conference. Clearly, they were stalking me.

The day I gave notice was emotional. I knew I was making the right decision, but I felt so obligated to my role in a way a parent feels. I felt responsible. I could barely get the words out. My mouth stopped working for a moment. And my boss was great, very supportive and understanding. (For which I am grateful.) I ahd done it. Ripped off the bandaid.  It felt surreal. On the walk out to my car the sky opened up and it was raining buckets. I was soaked and had a good cry. Tears, rain, and mascara mixing on my cream blouse.

Fear set upon me like vultures.

The chorus line was silent- nowhere to be found. They were probably off persuading someone else to walk away from a great job they worked years to get. What had I done? I got home changed into dry clothes. I was begging to feel sorry for myself. Can you relate? How change can be terrifying. It felt like snake venom traveling up my body. I needed an antidote. Fast.

And then I got a direct message on FB from someone that was reading my book. He said “Your book came to me at a time I had lost all hope. I did not know if I could go on. Thank you for writing it- I am using gratitude one day at a time to feel better and it's working.”

BAM. There it was. My why. I suddenly remembered that I was evolving past fear, and my passion combined with hard work would sustain me. Into the unknown. And just like that, the fear dissipated.  The fastest way to get out of fear mode is to find love. Chase it down into the corners of the room and grab it. Like capturing an invisible cat. Hug it tight. Cling to love. It works every time. I was taking this leap of faith because I wanted to help others. I was taking this leap because I believe that I can do this. Even without an instructional manual. And even though I did not fully see every single brick of my new life- I knew it would be special because for the first time ever- I could create it all.

Just me. I was enough.